Tyrant With a Glove

I am currently reading The Line of Beauty by Alan Hollinghurst, a novel set in England during the 1980s, during the rise of Margaret Thatcher, AIDS, and open homosexuality. The society that Hollinghurst depicts (at least from my initial, half-way-into-the-book point of view) is a contrast between the rich and the poor, in which both have their hypocrisies, their fallacies, and their dark sides. It is like the Gatsby of the 1980s, except this Nick (Nick Guest is the main character - 21 year old Oxford graduate) is a homosexual, and one who is like a fly on the wall of society, never obviously criticizing his counterparts, whether straight or gay, but the reader, in the outlook of his display, can feel the rising level of insanity amongst the other individuals. Hollinghurst depicts magnificently the feelings of a homosexual who is out of the closet, but is still ignored by society. He is in love with his friend, Toby, who is a heterosexual, but limits himself to self-loathing homosexuals and people that in themselves are not free. Nick, currently, is still trying to become accustomed to his homosexual life, a life that frightens him as much as it scares him. Most ominously, the novel does not speak at all of Nick's own family; he is living with a wealthy MP (member of parliament) and his family, and is in awe of their life of rich ignorance. This is a curious novel that, at least in my own opinion, portrays brilliantly the tragic thoughts and feelings that a gay person feels within a hostile urban world. He feels invisible, trapped. What I think is most interesting is Nick's apparent search for beauty . . . the title, The Line of Beauty, references to a term in art where a curved line used for painting is more beautiful and more vivid than that of straight, rigid lines. It is most often used in accordance with painting people, and in this case, it seems as though Hollinghurst is trying to uplift the gay spirit, covered with stereotypes and derision, which is in reality, most wondrous and beautiful. 


One of the characters of the novel, Leo, Nick's first lover, lives still in his mother and sister, who are devout Christians. In the awkward scene, where Nick comes over to meet them (with Leo's sister most condescendingly skeptical of Nick's intentions) as a platonic friend, I can relate dearly to Leo's pain. All the mother can speak of is her love for Christ Jesus, and how he can cleanse all our sins. I wonder if Nick comes from such a background. In one part of the section, Nick reveals that his parents are indeed devout - which is a stark contrast from the Feddens (the MP family), who do not condemn but do not publicly address, his homosexuality. 

I can relate, as I am sure many other gay youths can, to living in a Christian family (or any other pious religious family that condemns homosexuality, for that matter). As Augusten Burroughs says, he does not relate to the 'gay community.' He does not feel 'pride' in being a homosexual. But he does think that those who grew up in a house of evangelicals, who had to hide their individuality, those people should be proud. So instead of hiding, and feeling scarred, we should be proud. We should feel empowered. We fought against what was being told to us. We went above a corrupt societal belief. We found ourselves, and we will live our lives, despite this current loneliness, this current pain. My brothers and sisters, I wish the best for us, no matter where you are. You are loved.